As I write this, there are a flood of emotions that are coursing through me. It’s my mom’s birthday. She would have been 87 years old today. I miss her. God has been so good as He continues to minister to me in my grief. I have so much to be thankful for.
This year has been one of tremendous loss for those I love. Two very dear friends lost their children this year. I cannot fathom their loss or pain. But they are in my thoughts and prayers so often and even more so after mom went home to be with Jesus.
As each new week came after saying goodbye to mom, the memories of her have been frequent and varied. At first, I felt so heavy and sad because all I could think about was how hard her life had been and how much she had gone through. I recounted all the difficult things she faced…the pain and the hurt and then the negative effects it had on her. But the beautiful revelation I had during this time was that, as soon as mom entered into God’s presence, all of that hurt was gone and she could for probably the very first time fully comprehend how loved and precious she is to God. I imagine her smiling and radiant in His presence.
After those memories, there was a time of numbness for me. It was almost as if my brain was purposefully avoiding the memories in order to avoid the pain and sadness. During that time, every so often, I’d see something that would remind me of her and the tears would come. In Thailand, it is durian season and OH how mom loved her durian. So the smell and sight of it was one of those triggers for me. OR when we are at the mall and we would walk past the restaurant we frequented with her and dad. Most recently, however, as thoughts of her continue to fill my mind, and as I have allowed myself to remember and think of her, the tears are less and instead, more and more, they bring a smile and joy to my heart.
As we approach Thanksgiving, my ponderings focus around some really wonderful writing and insight from a devotional Simpson and I are doing together by Timothy and Kathy Keller. (link to devotional)
Proverbs 8:30-31 says,
Then I was constantly at his side. I was filled with delight day after day, rejoicing always in his presence, rejoicing in his whole world and delighting in mankind. (New International Version)
Keller writes, “The Father and the Son delighted in the world they made and in us. We see beauty in things when they are rightly related to one another…The more we discern how the parts of a piece of music, or of a flower, all fit together, the more we delight in the music and the flower, not for what it can do for us but for what it is in itself, as part of God’s creation…God created us simply for the joy and love of it. He loves us not instrumentally—for what he can get out of us—but for us. So it is the height of wisdom to love God for himself alone, and to value human beings not simply for what we can get from them but as beings who reflect the image of our maker (Genesis 1: 26). …[As a prayer to God] My modern life makes me too busy to stop and ponder “the work of thy hands” until it triggers praise to my maker and redeemer. Let me take time for beauty.”
As God has taken me through all this, and continues to minister to me in the grieving, I am seeing that now I can finally see mom for the beautiful child of God that she is. So many times in the past, while mom was with us, I had not taken the time to see her beauty. I was often rushed trying to take care of things or do things for her or make sure she had what she needed. God gave me a beautiful gift in being able to be in the same country with her for the last year of her journey on earth. That year was full of sweet memories where we were able to just be with each other and enjoy the moment and the beauty around us.
One thing that I saw my friend who lost her child do so well was love her daughter for who she was, completely and without reservation. She took time for and appreciated beauty every day, and she taught her daughter that. She continues to celebrate her daughter’s beauty every day even in the midst of her grief and loss.
Here at ZOE, we are so blessed and privileged to see on a weekly basis children who are healing and seeing all of God’s beauty around them and in themselves as His beloved children. They know they are loved and precious. You can read about some of the latest things that have been happening by clicking the following link https://gozoe.org/blog/
May we all take time for beauty…the beauty of the world God created, the beauty of those around us and the beauty of the memories we have of those who have gone ahead of us.
Thank you for your love and support as we continue to serve God here in Thailand with ZOE International. We are only able to be here because of your partnership. We send you love and joy this Thanksgiving season and always.
