Just about 2 weeks away from our move to Thailand! Lori-Ann and I are getting excited but still somewhat daunted by our remaining tasks ahead. Of course, even with all this frantic activity going on, God is not taking any breaks from continuing to refine my heart.
Yesterday I was buying lunch at Subway. I was behind a woman who was paying for her purchase but she was taking a long time. She appeared to be socially awkward, and was painstakingly counting out coins from her purse to pay for her meal. After going through all the motions, she was still less than a dollar short so she abruptly changed her mind and started to gather back her money.
Before the woman could completely cancel her transaction, I busted out a dollar bill to pay for her. Here I come to save the day! Feeling quite proud of myself, I gave the cashier the money and the woman turned to smile and thank me. But before I could finish basking in the glory of my good deed, the woman asked the cashier to add potato chips to her order…then turned her face toward me waiting for me to pitch in another dollar.
I almost choked. As if I was suddenly in a pool of molasses, I begrudgingly and ever-so-slowly gave up that extra dollar, hoping against hope that the woman would come to her senses and change her mind about the chips. But, WOW, if you could see what was going on in my heart. Sure, the woman didn’t seem to be “all there,” yet I was filled with so much anger at being taken advantage of. I felt disdain for this woman with hints of hatred thrown in.
But as soon as I cooled off and sat down for my meal, I was overwhelmed by a wave of shame. Right then and there God gave me insight into my heart that humiliated me and knocked me on my butt. Lately our move to Thailand and working with ZOE has been consuming my thoughts. But how can I aspire to do a work rescuing trafficked children when it’s so easy for my heart to trample down this woman over such a minor inconvenience? I have no doubt in my mind that what Lori-Ann and I will be facing in Thailand will require much, much more of us.
One of the most insightful verses of the Bible for me is from 1 Samuel 16:7: “But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’” In the big scheme of things, God isn’t concerned about where we will be moving or where we will be working. God is most interested in what my heart is like…and I failed an important test over a small bag of chips. How easy it is for me to love and give to those who are able to give back. How will my heart respond if I am interacting with a child who has zero appreciation for what I am doing? I pray that the Lord will continue to prepare my heart in the coming days.
Wow! Profound!! Don’t know what I would have done. To act generously and then have your boundaries challenged and buttons pushed. – and to let God speak in that moment. –
A heart wrenching gift, eh?
As you head off to Zoe, I wonder if we who are at home can pay attention too and give the extra mile and be less self absorbed to receive the same gift by being open and giving like you and perhaps like you be ready to get our chairs pulled under us for a bigger message. The world needs all of us. God needs people to love people. Thanks for reminding us. Safe travels!
Hi Simps,
That is profound. Honestly, that would make me NOT want to reach out when the moment arises. But that would be a mistake. The world needs more generous people, more good Samaritans, more heros who are willing to reach out and take a risk! That’s what you are my friend. You live your life trying to do as much good as you can. You’ll never know how many lives you’ve touched, how you’ve affected them for the good. Perhaps it was the cashier that was most positively affected by your actions. Or the person behind you? Or someone who just read your blog? Keep setting the example!
God Bless you.
Thank you, Allan! God sure uses these lessons to keep me humble 🙂
Simps