It’s been just about 10 months serving here in Chiang Mai, Thailand, and I find myself a different person. But I am just coming to realize this.
Simpson, as part of his role here at ZOE will need to be gone overnight for maybe 2-3 days at a time. In the last two months he’s had two of these trips. The first time he was away, I went on some errands and got home only to find that one of the car tires was flat. Thankful to God that I got home safely … I spent the next day-and-a-half homebound until Simpson got back and we could get the tire taken care of. It turned out that we needed to replace all the tires and not just the one.
Last week Simpson had another trip. This time on that very day he left, I stopped on the way to work to pick up a few things at the store. I had a really hard time starting the car but it finally did start. I made it to work safely and started asking our fellow missionaries and friends for help. We are so grateful for our friends because I was able to get my battery charged enough to start it. I debated whether to just go home that night and then be homebound again until Simpson returned OR to get the battery changed myself. I really felt like God was prompting me to do this on my own. So I did. I was able to take it to a shop and get a new battery. Something that I always let Simpson take care of.
As I reflected on these events I believe that God was using these unfortunate events to teach me dependence on Him. We are going to be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary soon and, after all these years, I realize that I’ve gotten used to depending on Simpson for so many things. God helped me through these things that I’m not used to doing. Things that are harder to do here in a foreign country when you are still learning the language. He is my source of strength. He is with me every step of the way. He kept me safe. He protected me from being stranded or broken down in a random place. He provided friends who were there to help and give me advice. I am so very thankful. This lesson of dependence is something I will continue to learn but who better to depend on then the One who never fails us.
For much of my life, I have prided myself in being independent. We are told we need to be able to stand on our own and to do for ourselves. I get this. We want to train children to grow up and be independent, upstanding citizens and contributors to society.
What I am starting to truly understand is that, as God’s children, He has a different agenda. He wants us to always be DEPENDENT on Him. I am constantly learning to do this. My nature is to try to strike out on my own but I want be fully dependent on my Heavenly Father.
God is always at work but sometimes we are so busy we just can’t see what He is doing. Sometimes the demands of work, life, and other people are what occupies our focus and attention when what God really wants is for us to sit and be with Him. He wants time with us. He wants us!
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
New International Version